That being said, I’m going to start off with the obligatory saying breastfeeding is hard. Really really hard. So hard I couldn’t do it. And it kills me to say that and makes me feel like a horrible person…like a bad mother that just didn’t try hard enough. But believe me, I tried. And tried and tried and tried and tried. Before I had Mac, breastfeeding was something I felt very strongly about and I really wanted to be able to feed my baby myself. From everything I’d heard and read, I knew it was going to be difficult and painful, but I had no idea it would be SO difficult and SO painful. I read all the books, I took the class, I read a million mommy blogs on the topic, I grilled my friends with kids. I thought I was prepared and I was determined to make it work.
Wow, what an incredible story!! I applaud you for everything you had to go through and still tried. You really are a fighter. Sara, little Mac is just precious and I appreciate your truth and honesty. Totally teared up reading this!!!
Beautiful story! And you are far from a failure! Breastfeeding is so hard, and you gave it more than a lot of women would in your shoes. I have so many friends it didn't work for and not because they were lazy or didn't try hard enough. Sometimes it just doesn't work. Hell, my mom was unable to with me and I'm pretty damn healthy 🙂 Wonderful photos, too!
Beautiful story! Sara, you are no where near failure! I think what you did took more time, love, and dedication than someone who is able to breastfeed normally. And for Mac to get your milk exclusively for 7 months? That's amazing! Thank you for sharing your experience!
I love both your blogs and cannot express how great this series is. I too 'failed' with my daughter and it still makes me upset to think about it. But she's happy and healthy, it's my issue not hers. Thank you for sharing, it's always scary to put yourself out there with such hot button issues.
Love this story! I'm in the process of ending breastfeeding due to circumstances beyond my control, and it is SUCH an emotional thing. I dont think anyone can truly understand unless they've been there!
You DID NOT fail! Failing would be letting your baby be miserable/not eat. You triumphed! Thank you for sharing.
You know how I feel about this. NOT FAILURE!! You worked through your situation, played the cards that you were dealt and you are all happy and healthy and pretty damn cute! I say that is SUCCESS Mama!!!
Awesome story Sara! I'm sorry it was such a struggle. AR is almost one and we're still BFing but I don't even have advice…every baby, experience is different and there's no one thing that works for everyone. Mac is lucky to have such an awesome mom like you!
What an incredible story! I think what you did was AMAZING! And your happy, healthy baby is proof of that! 🙂
Love Sara! You did an amazing job. That is such a HUGE accomplishment that you pumped for that long. What a great mommy you are! So glad you decided to share.
Girl. I think you are super awesome. The good news is, I can almost bet you money your next experience will be different. Not sure if it's more relaxed momma's, or more laid back 2nd kids–but it's possible you could end up with an experience you are super proud of. BUT–I do have to say, you SHOULD be proud of what you did for Mac, too. It's amazing. Not every mom would continue to pump like that, and you did the best for your kid. You're super 😉
Love this story! I can relate SOO much! It's very refreshing to know that it doesn't come so easy (or at all) to some. Thank you for sharing, and I'm sure we can all agree that you are anything BUT a failure. <3
Great story! You did not fail, you made it work! I can relate to your emotions over this because my breastfeeding experience with my son did not turn out the way I imagined it would. As in I produced nothing and had to start to give him formula on day 4. I felt so bad about it! But I continued to try to bf for the next 3 months. Luckily, I visited a great lactation consultant who was not militant and made me feel better about the situation. You do what you have to do to take care of your child.
Your story is truly amazing!!! I know a couple of moms that had difficulty nursing and just completely gave up…no lactation consultants, no pumping, no extra effort whatsoever. You are a profound success at providing for your baby, and for what it's worth, I'm proud of what you've done!!!
You're a Phenom-o-Mom!
And that Mac and Cheese picture is just too much! Love it!!
Love Sara and her courage to share her story here. Sara–you are an AMAZING mama! And your story really resonated with me. Why do we beat ourselves up so much over these things? A friend once told me that we have to take care of ourselves before we can really take care of our children and I have to remind myself of this a lot of times. It's so true!
Making it to 7 months of BM is great! Awesome you had such a good freezer stash.
I say all the time that I would far rather go through labor and delivery multiple times than go through the early days/months of breast feeding.
It is hard, physically, mentally and emotionally hard. So hard.
We are at almost 9 months now (little to no freezer stash, but 8 months was my long ter goal) and I'm having the HARDEST time deciding when to stop.
Mommy guilt is a bieatch.
I had tears in my eyes reading this the entire way through. Your story is so similar to my breastfeeding experience and I also felt and still feel so much guilt that I was not able to feed my baby the way that I had wanted. Thank you for sharing 🙂
What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing! My experience was similar and I had such a hard time because I had only heard positive breast feeding stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. And I ove your blog!
Sara,
What an incredible story. You are SUCH a trooper, and even though I know you were trying to do the right thing, I can't IMAGINE jumping through all those hoops to make it work.
You are amazing.
Pumping for that long? You are amazing! I complain about pumping at work…which is only two days a week (embarrassing)!! I can't even imagine. You should never feel like a failure you tried way harder than anyone I know. Being a nurse myself I feel ashamed that people would make you feel that way in the hospital, makes me sick. They were supposed to be supporting and helping you and in turn it sounds like they added to the stress! Baby Mac is absolutely adorable and I LOVE reading your blog since my babe is just months behind him!
This is my favorite story to date… Probably because it hits so close to home!!
Such an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing! I'm definitely going into Bfing the same way you did–knowing it's going to be hard, knowing it's going to be painful, but hoping it will just "work". Fingers crossed that it will, but if it doesn't, I hope I can be ok with it. I know that like you, I will give it my very best shot. I think it's amazing you pumped for 5mos! That is such a wonderful accomplishment and you should give yourself a huge pat on the back–and a big glass of wine 😀
Sara my heart just breaks to hear about the lack of support you received in the beginning. BF is hard plain and simple. You just can't do it without support and i'm so sorry you had a hard time getting it. We had a rough start with latching too but luckily I had great hospital support and then after found an amazing LC whom without I never would have made it.
I think it is AMAZING you pumped that long and that you had such a great pump response! Your body didn't fail you at all — it just fed your baby differently. And I agree formula isn't poison. Your baby looks so happy and healthy and you did literally everything you could!
Also on a side note I know a lot of the info out on Breastfeeding talks about this amazing bond between mom & baby — I didn't have that with my LO. Not everyone does. Please please don't beat yourself up or feel that you missed out, etc. You did all you could do and then some. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story!
Julie, thank you so much for letting me share my story. It's still a little hard for me to even read my own words, but the comments are so incredibly wonderful and supportive. Thank you for allowing me to find my voice on this sensitive topic and I'd like to thank your wonderful readers for their encouragement and kindness! Love you all! Mwah!
Yes, it IS crazy that you feel like you failed!! But I get it, the guilt, the craziness, the tears… all of it! It's crazy! I can't believe how stressful nursing is! I wish people would have warned me. I am still nursing (but I was positive I wouldn't make it through the first month) but reading this story kind of makes ME feel like a failure. I don't think I would have the dedication and determination to make it work the way you did. Crazy that I feel guilty even though I'm nursing. I guess women will always find a way to feel like a failure. We are our worst critic! We really need to be proud of the fact that we have healthy, happy babies! Even if we weren't able to feed our child the way we had imagined, they thrived inside of our body, and the thrive outside of us because we love and nurture them JUST how they need it 🙂
I hope that this post made you feel better. Once it's in writing I hope you see how wonderful of a job you did and are doing. You are a wonderful mother, obviously. Thank you for sharing such an emotional story. I'm still breast feeding my almost five month old daughter but it is a struggle for me every day. Stories like yours keep me going. Thank you for sharing.
I'm going to be the ass that says something off color, cause, you know, it's me: your kid is a total boob man, his lack of desire to breastfeed just kills me. Sheesh. I love you so so much dear Sara, and you are an amazing momma. Mac is lucky to have you and I'm lucky to know you. xoxox
Wow! This definitely made me tear up. I am due in less then a week and have wondered about situations like this! You kept pushing through and you were still able to feed your baby with breast milk! I think that in itself is amazing! I wouldn't feel like a failure if I was you. This was definitely an amazing story! Thanks for being brave enough to share it!
Thank you so much for sharing. You are so amazing to have continued trying even when so many would have given up. You are so so far from failure.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Sara! I completely agree that its such HARD work and unless you have breastfed, its so hard to understand how other mommies feel. You are not a failure! No matter how long the journey lasts, the fact that you gave it a chance is such a beautiful gift to baby Mac!
awww you poor thing, i'm so sorry that it was so tough on you. you're not alone though! i can't believe you pumped for so long and was able to breastfeed your beautiful son for 7 months! that's insane! way to go!
I've been reading Sara's blog (and yours) for awhile now, but I started after this story was published. It breaks my heart and makes me so proud of her, reading this story. Max is awesome, Sara is awesome. Thanks for reposting and sharing her story, Julie!