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Uncategorized | September 2, 2015

The Breastfeeding Diaries: Holly from Raising Blondes with Redhead Attitudes

My name is Holly and I blog at Raising Blondes with Redhead attitudes. I write about my journey of raising three stubborn sweet little girls. I am so excited to be here to share my story. Breastfeeding has never been easy for me and has truly been filled wit obstacles. However I wouldn’t change a single moment or make any different choices. In the end every moment, good or bad, was perfect.

I had Aidan when I was young. I actually turned 21 before she turned two months. I had no clue what to expect and believed that it was the most natural and easy thing. So I knew for the very beginning that I wanted to breastfeed her. I didn’t expect to struggle at all. She surprised everyone by coming five weeks early. Aside from being a tiny little thing at barely 6lbs, she was healthy. She latched wonderfully the first try and I thought, we were going to be rock stars. However at her two week check up, she has dropped to 4lbs. I was devastated and unknown to me suffering from postpartum depression.  Her doctor suggested supplementing formula, but with my emotions hitting deep lows I gave up. I felt as though I had failed our daughter. I found out later that I didn’t fail but that she just has an unusually high metabolism. Now we have a very rambunctious almost 7 year old. 
With our second pregnancy, I was determined to be more prepared, but had so many doubts. I knew that I wanted to give our girl the very best and that meant nursing. I knew what it felt like to be depressed but I also knew that there was help. I felt prepared and ready. I was going to nurse our baby and it was going to go smoother this time. 
Jozy came into the world 4 weeks early but a little bigger than her sister. She was a healthy little baby, but we struggled with latching. I was able to get some help in the hospital and left feeling comfortable with continuing on my own. Again I felt sure that we were going to succeed with breastfeeding. At her two week and one month checkups she was gaining, not a lot though. With each visit I breathed a sigh of relief. Until her two  month check up. She had stopped gaining, but I wasn’t going to give up. So I supplemented when we needed to, but I also nursed and pumped. 
I would feed Jozy every two hours, even at night, and pump while nursing. I would then offer her the bottle. I was also pumping on the hour in between nursings. I felt like I was more of a feeding station than a mom and Aidan wasn’t getting enough attention. On top of the exhaustion, I could feel my emotions slipping into caous So I stopped. I switched Jozy to formula and was able to finally enjoy our baby girl. 
With our youngest baby, little Kristianna, I had so many mixed feelings and so many people giving me advise. I went back and forth so many times the first two trimesters. I was terrified that I couldn’t care for our baby this way, that I would feel like a failure. In the end my husband, who is my greatest supported, encouraged me to follow my heart. So I refused to by bottles and I dug into research. I pined everything I could find on pintrest. I read every article. I spoke to multiply lactation specialists. I was ready and prepared. I knew that I might not be able to nurse her for long, but I was going to give it my all. 
And then the unexpected happened. She came into this world three weeks early and after an hour of loving on her, she was rushed to the NICU. I couldn’t touch our girl, or hold her. There was no way that I could nurse her, but that was honestly the furthest from my mind that first night. I felt broken and I had no clue what we were going to do.

We were blessed with incredibly wonderful nurses. After the first night, one of them asked me if I wanted to breastfeed. It was easy to answer yes, and she quickly got me a pump. She taught me the best way to use it and what the best routine would be. All the nurses at the NICU encouraged me, helped me, and cheered me on. They celebrated every pumping victory and helped me through all the sidetracks. Then after two weeks, I was finally able to breastfeed our girl. After a lot of trail and error, we finally got it right. I felt confident and supported.

However, at her two month checkup we ended back in the hospital. Kristianna had stopped gaining. Thankfully our doctor wanted to know why. Even though I felt a little lost, I felt grateful to finally get answers. After several days we finally got some. 
I am not able to produce enough milk, no matter what we try. Our kids have high metabolisms and my body can’t support them solely. So despite all the criticism I received I supplemented. I pumped and nursed as often as possible without killing myself. I also offered her a bottle of formula. I was able to nurse Kristianna until just shy of her 6 months. She weaned herself and it felt wonderful! 
Breastfeeding is hard and there are so many opinions out there on what is right or wrong. I was told so many times to not supplement. I was told with my last two pregnancies to not even try breastfeeding. I had so many people trying to tell me what was right for my baby and my body. But breastfeeding isn’t easy and there isn’t one right way. I nursed for as long as I could with each baby. Yes, I would love to have gone longer or had less obstacles. But I have three amazing little girls. They are healthy, happy, stubborn and growing. So my advice, don’t give up and don’t let someone else make you feel less. Do what you believe is right for your baby, and remember that some breast milk is better than none. Get the answer you are looking for, no matter how many times you have to ask.
There is no correct way to be a mom and life is filled with road blocks. All you can do is what you believe is right and what keeps your babies healthy and happy!
Be sure to catch up with the rest of the Breastfeeding Diaries at the top of my navigation bar.


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Uncategorized | April 8, 2015

The Breastfeeding Diaries: Holly from Belle to Businesswoman

Hello! I’m Holly and I occasionally blog over at
Belle to Businesswoman. 


I shared my breastfeeding experience feeding my son, Graham, a couple of
years ago here on Julie’s blog. He was 4 weeks early and I never made enough milk
after trying countless strategies to increase my supply. I wanted to breastfeed
so badly and although I knew how blessed I was to have a beautiful, healthy
son, I couldn’t get over the emotional aspect of not being able to exclusively
breastfeed him. He was supplemented from the beginning in the NICU and
eventually quit breastfeeding at 5 months after he realized the bottle was
faster and easier. Looking back, I really believe now that my low supply
was the entire reason I ended up with postpartum depression. I
felt like such a failure – my body let me down. I also
felt judged by others. I felt like I had to defend myself every time I
pulled out a bottle for Graham. (Looking back though, no one cared how I
fed my son. During Graham’s entire first year of life, I only had one
instance of someone judging me and making me feel guilty about not
breastfeeding.)

Even before my breastfeeding story with Graham was posted on Julie’s blog, I
was already thinking about how I wanted to do a follow up post after I had a
second baby. I was SO determined to make breastfeeding work and dreamed about
sharing my success story of exclusively breastfeeding my second baby.
Breastfeeding was one of the things I most looked forward to when thinking
about having another child. After my failure with Graham, my heart
just couldn’t heal – every time I saw someone else breastfeeding, I was sad. As
my friends had babies and were able to breastfeed, I was happy for them. I
truly was. But my heart still ached. Why wasn’t I able to produce enough milk?
Was it because Graham was early? Was it because I wasn’t able to hold or feed
him for 12 hours? Does my body not respond well to the pump? Do I have
insufficient glandular tissue? Was it because I was on birth control for so
long? Is it a genetic issue? Hell, was it the type of deodorant I was using
during pregnancy?!
Well, the second time around I had a beautiful, term, perfect baby girl.
And…I’m STILL not able to produce enough milk.
But I’m breastfeeding her as I type this. And I am so at peace.

Our sweet Madeline Rose was born 4 days past her due date. Her birth story is an interesting one – she was a surprise breech
baby. We didn’t find out she was breech until I was at the hospital in labor.
Even still, I was able to deliver her vaginally and without any medication as I
had hoped. Her birth was awesome – such an amazing experience. And I get to
tease her for the rest of her life about how she came out butt first!

Making sure I had a natural, un-medicated birth was just one of the many
things I did to make sure I’d have enough milk this time. I spoke with a
lactation consultant and a midwife early on in my pregnancy and they both gave
me some great tips. I also did tons of online research. During the last few
weeks of my pregnancy, I took two herbs – GoLacta and goats rue. They both can
increase milk production and are considered safe to use during pregnancy. I
also took a magnesium supplement called Calm to “calm down” some
Braxton Hicks contractions I started having in my second trimester. My midwife
suggested I use it hoping that it would prevent me from having a preterm baby
again. I also tried to eat lots of protein, drank red raspberry leaf tea, and took
a probiotic. I wanted to make sure I did everything possible to carry my baby
at least 40 weeks. 

As soon as Maddie was born, she was put on my chest. She bobbed straight
over to my breast and latched on right away. And then she stayed
there…forever. I swear I nursed her almost constantly for the first 24 hours
of her life. Which is what I had hoped for. But I won’t lie – it was
exhausting. I don’t think I slept at all that first night. Even
still, it was a sweet time. All the newborn snuggles and the sweet bonding. It
was such a contrast to when I had Graham. He was taken away right after he was
born and spent a week in the NICU. I spent the entire first night of his life
without him – crying in my hospital room and pumping every 3 hours.

With Maddie, we left the hospital after 24 hours. And she was nursing like a
champ. She started to get a little sleepier, so I would wake her every two
hours to nurse. I did all the suggested things to get her fully awake to eat –
undress her, rub her with a wet washcloth, etc. But she was a sleepy
girl! 

Her first doctor’s appointment was 3 days after she was born. The doctor was
a little concerned that she hadn’t gained as much weight as they like to see. I
knew my milk still hadn’t come in, so I was starting to get a little worried too.
The doctor mentioned supplementing with formula, but I said I wanted to wait a
little longer before we started down that road. 

On the way home from that appointment, I broke down and cried. Already I
could feel my emotions slipping out of control. I didn’t want to end up down
the same road as before. I wanted to breastfeed. I didn’t want to end up with
postpartum depression. Why was this happening all over again?

I sent my husband to rent a hospital grade pump and started pumping after
each feeding. (I had MUCH better results using the Medela Symphony hospital
grade pump than I ever did with my Pump-in-Style.) I started taking fenugreek
and blessed thistle. I also received my encapsulated placenta pills and started
taking those. I called my midwife and got a prescription for domperidone. (Domperidone
is a drug that has a side effect of increased milk production. I took Reglan
without success after I had Graham. Reglan can increase milk production too,
but also has a side effect of depression.) I tried not to get too
stressed out about everything. I was hopeful that my milk would come in
soon. 

I also called and arranged for a lactation consultant to come to the house.
I was having some severe nipple pain and blistering on my left nipple and
wanted confirmation that my latch was good. She confirmed the latch was fine
and gave me some tips on position to help with the pain. She also
suggested I get a prescription for APNO (all purpose nipple ointment) to ease
the pain I was having and to help with the blister. That stuff was a lifesaver!
Seriously – everyone should get some when they leave the hospital.

The doctor wanted us to come back again that week for another weight check.
We loaded up and headed over. And got the same news. Maddie had still not
gained “enough” weight. She was gaining, but had dropped down in
weight on the percentile chart. Our doctor pushed supplementing on us a little
more strongly, but I still refused. I asked if we could wait just a little
longer. 

The next weight check was the same. She was down to 7% for weight. I was
devastated. After everything I did during my pregnancy, the birth, and the
first week of Maddie’s life, my body still failed me. I still wasn’t able to
make enough milk. I cried. Right there in the chair in the pediatrician’s
office, in front of Maddie’s doctor.

Her doctor gently urged us to supplement, just to make sure her
issue with gaining weight was a supply issue and not something more serious. I
was still hesitant to supplement, but gave in when I saw how worried my husband
was getting. For a few weeks, we worked on figuring out exactly how much
supplement Maddie would need. 8 to 10oz a day seemed to be enough to see a
positive weight gain. I didn’t want to give her too much so that I could keep
what supply I had. I also refused to supplement with bottles. Instead I used
a Supplemental Nursing System, which is basically a feeding tube device
that you attach to your nipple. I used it for a month before I got
frustrated with it and finally switched to bottles.

My amazing friend who donated milk to Graham after he was born had just
given birth to her third child, so she offered to donate again to Maddie.
Another friend also reached out and offered to donate milk as well. We
were blessed with so much donated breastmilk that Maddie was almost exclusively
fed with breastmilk until she was 4 months.



So here we are at 6 months and Maddie is still a champion at breastfeeding.
She isn’t a big fan of the paci and still only gets 8 to 10 ounces a day
of either donated milk or formula. I feed her on demand during the day,
which ends up being about every three hours. I also nurse her to sleep for
naps and bedtime. So all in all, I probably nurse her about 8 to 10 times a
day. She was only waking once to nurse at night, but lately she’s been a
terrible sleeper. So night time nursing varies.

With Graham, I never associated myself as a “breastfeeding mom.” I
breastfed him for those first 5 months, but it always felt like I was just
“playing” at it. He got a ton of formula or donated milk after each
nursing session and I hated nursing him if we were out and about because I
wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding in public. I also felt like people were always
wondering why I breastfed and then gave my baby a bottle.

But with Maddie – she is totally a breastfed baby. And I
completely consider myself a breastfeeding mom. I nurse her all the time, no
matter where we are, usually without a nursing cover. And she loves it. The
bond I have with her is amazing. I love Graham with all of my heart, but I
always feel like I missed out on something with him. He has always been
independent and I felt like he never really needed his mama. I worried it was
because of our separation right after he was born. But Maddie is a total mama’s
girl. She has healed the place in my heart that was broken. I no longer feel
like a failure, even though I still don’t make enough milk. I’m proud of
sticking it out and I feel very grateful for all the help I’ve had and the
knowledge I was able to gain. I feel like I know a great deal about low milk
supply – much more than I knew when I had Graham.

I pray that Maddie will nurse for at least a year, if not longer. Since
Graham stopped so abruptly, I worry sometimes that she’ll want to stop. But for
now, we are going strong!



I hope my story will help other mom’s out there. And I’m no expert, but please
feel free to contact me if you have any questions about anything I’ve
mentioned. (The Supplemental Nursing System, Domperidone, Go-Lacta, Calm, APNO,
etc.)

Thanks Julie for letting me share my story!

Be sure to catch up with the rest of the Breastfeeding Diaries at the top of my navigation bar.







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Comments

  1. Ashley Thomas says

    April 8, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story, Holly! It is an inspiring and encouraging one that I plan on referencing in the coming weeks when I have my 2nd. ♡

  2. Colleen Sullivan says

    April 10, 2015 at 12:32 am

    Beautiful story! Love all the pictures! You have really adorable children, Holly!

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