I’m almost done answering all of your questions…and man, some of them are tough! You can read part 1 here and part 2 here.
Coco asked what is something I had to let go of when I became a mom. Oh my….let’s see….so many things. My hair and makeup routine is way simpler than it used to be, I also watch so much less television than I used to, we hardly ever go out to eat, I don’t cook fancy meals (not that I did before, but they are pretty basic now), and I’m sure lots of other things have changed. It’s hard to remember life before Hudson! What did we do with our time???? But I can say with 100% confidence that it is all worth it.
Whitney asked a bunch of scheduling questions (which I still promise to write a post on that…hopefully next week!) but also what our weekends look like and if we go out a lot and see friends. My answer to this may sound kind of sad, but the answer is no. No, we don’t go out a lot nor do we see friends frequently. Since my husband and I work full time the weekends are our only time together as a family….and that time is sacred. Now, we do occasionally go out (we do have a life!) with friends for dinner or we get together with friends that have little kids too. But usually it’s just us. It’s a lot easier to go out now that I’m done breastfeeding. But, since moving to Michigan I’ve had a hard time finding a group of girlfriends. I have a few good friends out here but I don’t have the group that I’m used to from high school or college. I’m pretty independent so sometimes it’s hard for me to step out of my comfort zone and meet new people…I need to change that asap….one of my goals for this year is to get more involved in our church…hopefully I can make my own group of friends that way! My husband is the opposite of me and has lots of friends from college (he went to school in the town where we live now) and has lots of work friends….some of whom I’ve claimed as my own!
Anonymous is a working mama and wants to know how I deal with the guilt of leaving my baby when I go to work. Hmm….lots of wine? This one is tough. Most days it’s really hard to leave Hudson and go to work…especially if he is upset. There is nothing harder than walking away from your baby when he is crying and is reaching his arms out to you. I’ve walked to my car and burst in to tears several times. It gets easier, but seeing your baby upset is so so so hard. I’ve gotten in to the habit of spying on Hudson through the window at
daycare once I leave. He is usually only upset for less than 30 seconds,
and then starts to play with all the toys. And usually he doesn’t have a problem with me leaving, which makes it so much easier. Often when I pick Hudson up
at the end of the day he is having so much fun he doesn’t want to leave. So really, I
shouldn’t feel guilty at all. I guess I deal with the guilt by making the time that I do get to spend with Hudson count. Some days when I pick him up from daycare he just wants to be held all evening until it’s time for bed. It’s not fun to try to make dinner while holding a clingy toddler but he just wants his mama….and I’m not going to deny him that!
daycare once I leave. He is usually only upset for less than 30 seconds,
and then starts to play with all the toys. And usually he doesn’t have a problem with me leaving, which makes it so much easier. Often when I pick Hudson up
at the end of the day he is having so much fun he doesn’t want to leave. So really, I
shouldn’t feel guilty at all. I guess I deal with the guilt by making the time that I do get to spend with Hudson count. Some days when I pick him up from daycare he just wants to be held all evening until it’s time for bed. It’s not fun to try to make dinner while holding a clingy toddler but he just wants his mama….and I’m not going to deny him that!
Anonymous also wants to know how I keep Hudson from eating our dog’s food and spilling his water. Well, the dog’s food and/or water is still spilled on occasion in our house, which when you have a busy toddler like do, that’s pretty good. I moved Wrigley’s water and food to a spot that gets less traffic, but is still easily accessible to him. When Hudson first started showing interest in Wrigley’s food I would give him a firm “no” and re-direct him to something else. Over and over again. He now knows he is not supposed to mess with the do food, but he still does. So I guess I have zero advice on this topic, other than to be consistent. Usually Wrigley eats his food pretty quickly so it’s not a constant issue. Hudson LOVES to play with the water dish but thankfully he also knows it’s a “no” and for the most part leaves it alone. But we went through a stage for a few months when he was constantly sitting in the water or splashing it everywhere. Just know that it will happen and you will have to clean it up frequently….but once they learn it is a no-no, it will get better!
Tracy asked if when I first stopped pumping how it affected my milk supply. I talked a lot about weaning in part 2, but when I first started to eliminate pumping sessions my milk supply went down for sure. I used to be able to feel when my milk let down, but that feeling started to go away. It’s all about supply and demand. Towards the end Hudson did seem to not feel as satisfied at the breast at bedtime, probably because he wasn’t getting as much milk as he was used to…..so I just started offering him a small bottle right before nursing and that seemed to do the trick!
Okay, next week I’ll answer the final questions….stay tuned!
My husband and I feel the same way in regards to our weekends. Both being full-time out of the home employees makes our weekend time sacred. Too bad we didnt live closer we could come play 🙂 My girl still cries when I leave her and tells me "no, mommy, no" which about breaks my heart. Being a mom is tough and the most rewarding thing ever. I have yet to have to force her to leave though, she is always ready to go when she sees her mommy!
I'm loving following along with all of your little Q&As! I'm in the same boat as you, regarding making new friends. While I'm not a mom quite yet, my fiance and I live about 20 minutes from the town that he grew up in, so the majority of his friends are either still living in that town or working/living in Boston, so super close by. My friends are mainly in Texas, where I grew up. It's a lot more challenging to make friends as an adult than I thought it would be, but I've started trying to make myself open up more at my favorite classes at the gym, where I see the same handful of girls each time the class meets. I've considered getting more involved in our church as well– I know that we have both a women's group and a young couple's group, which could be wonderful considering the point we're at in our lives!
Anywho, thanks so much for sharing! Have a happy rest of the week!
I was nodding along with so much of this. The things we gave up as moms are just about identical. And the weekends for family time – absolutely. Best two days of the week!
You forgot to mention the obscene amounts of partying you had to give up when you had Hudson… Juuuuust kidding 🙂
Miss you! Id be your weekend friend if you lived close! We love hanging on weekends with families we adore!
The best way I found to keep Callie out of Winston's food & water bowl was to involve her in the process of feeding him! luckily he also eats really quick! but having her help feed him and give him water – she kinda list interest in playing with his bowls.
I hear ya on being independent & if we lived in Michigan we would be total besties. I'll bring the wine & you can curl our hair!!! xo
Also, 100% agree on the no time for friends (which bums me out!). Working full-time leaves little time for much else outside of family.
xoxoxo
Megan
Hello Newlywed Life Blog
Love this! Jake and I need to work on being home more on the weekends! We have so much going on, and we sometimes forget to just have family time!!!
I am a stay at home mom and my husband works downstairs but he's on the phone a lot so we don't see each other all day really. Anyways, I still feel like our weekends are sacred too. We cherish them so much! We moved to Denver last year and while I have some friends, I don't feel like I have a ton either. I would like to work on meeting more families with babies that David and I can hang out with. Everything changes once you have kids, so friends that don't have kids are more difficult to get on the same page with.
Unfortunately friendships really change when you get married and have kids. It is really hard to grab lunch or dinner with friends like we used to, especially if they don't have kids. They just don't seem to understand when Owen can't sit still in a restaurant through drinks, then appetizers and then dinner. Luckily we have a few friends who have kids that we really love. We had the dog water / food dish issue too. We have pocket doors between the kitchen and dinning room so I just moved Rocky's water into the dinning room (lovely, right?). Owen isn't too into it anymore, but I still keep it out of our general area!
I can totally relate with you about the friendship topic, it changes so much when you become a mum. I am an Aussie living in London and struggle enormously with the "friends" area of life. My closest friends live in Australia and the USA and unfortunately we don't have any close friends with kids in the UK, so our support network is extremely weak. It's fine if we want people to go and have a leisurely afternoon beer with, but day-to-day they don't have a clue what life with a child is like and don't understand that our weekend is precious family time. Meeting new people is so much harder the older we get too, and I'm so shy in big group activities that it takes so long to get to know someone!! It's funny but the group of women I "know" through blogs have been more supportive and empathetic that it has kind of filled the gap that we are missing over here. It'd still be so lovely to have a good friend just know you're having a hard time and just show up, make you a cup of tea and expect nothing in return, but until that time, we can make our own tea and reach out to other mums who are in the same shoes (red ones even) and find the support we are needing. xx
My hubby and I rarely go out on the weekends either – our time together as a family is just so much more important than many of the other things we could do if we were so inclined. And it's hard to hang out with friends who don't have children yet and don't understand what being a parent is all about. Especially since most of our friends live in different cities/states. We are in the town we live in now for my husband's medical school program, so neither of us knew anybody when we moved here. And you are SO right – making friends as an adult is a lot harder than it was earlier in life. If we were up in Michigan, we could totally do kid-friendly double dates! I just know we would be friends:)
You are the best – thank you! Your weaning post was so helpful too!
Thank you for taking the time to answer all these questions!
By the way – I am exactly like you. Moved to Cali and do not have a group of girlfriends. I absolutely love staying in with my husband and son (whose name is also Hudson!). It's so important to me to catch up on family time after the work week is over!
Our lives sound very similar! Our weekends are the same- family time! And as for drop off, when he cries it's heartbreaking. And on mornings when he goes to his teacher without tears makes it so much easier.
Hi Julie,
I am regular reader of your blog and I love visiting it daily 🙂 Your recent post had an issue very close to my heart and I really wanted to comment on it. Just thought of adding my experience regarding your quote, “There is nothing harder than walking away from your baby when he is crying and is reaching his arms out to you.” This is exactly how it was when my Mom and Dad raised us (my sister and I born 7 years apart). I’ve heard my Mom say this often, but like you’ve stated, my parents made sure they spent enough time with us and never ever compromised. They never explicitly stated this fact, but we grew up with the knowledge of important it was for both of them to earn. Today both our Mom and Dad are retired, and sis and I are working women and we are blessed to have been raised by loving and hard-working parents. We know how lucky we are for our parents, just as Hudson is to have you guys.
Love, Sharanya (sharanyakc@rediffmail.com)
I feel you on the friends thing. I live only about an hour from the area I grew up in, but its just far enough that it keeps me from seeing my couple of close friends regularly. We've started trying to get more involved at our church and I'm hoping to meet some new girlfriends my age soon! I hope you to do! 🙂